Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Forgotten Memories

Last night I was having dinner with some friends at another friend's house. There were candles on the table, the lights were down low, Sarah Groves and Norah Jones were softly playing in the background and the six of us were just talking about God and prayer and seeing the supernatural in everyday life. The owner of the place mentioned how he had always grown up having dinner wtih candles. It was just something his family did. When he said that, something just clicked and I got really emotional and teary eyed.

I had forgotten that my family used to sit around the dinner table together just about every night with some classical music or soft music playing, light the candles and have dinner together. We always had a Greek salad with whatever we were eating and after dinner the three of us would just hang out at the table and talk. It was so great.

Until last night I had forgotten that was my family's dinner tradition and I became verklempt with emotion because I really missed that. Perhaps one of the hardest things about losing my mother was also the loss of my family in a sense. My father has remarried but they do things very differently. There is no more Greek salad, no more candles, the music still plays and there are conversations, but different. I really miss my family.

I didn't realize why I feel so lonely sometimes even with so many friends and great roommates and workmates. There's a big part of my life and my being that is missing and can never be replaced, until perhaps someday I have my own family.

I'm not sure how to end this blog, even as I get teary eyed again. So I'll just say goodbye for now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, my friend. You are in good company--we all lose our families in one way or another at some time. I have felt almost the same way you described, only surrounded by the same people in my memories--but also surrounded by new people. Your loss is permanent--and that breaks my heart for you. That hole can't be filled this side of Heaven...but just imagine the table, music and candlelight you'll have there!!! You are precious.

c roberts

Lisa said...

Thanks c :) I know that there are always new memories and new ways of doing things that are great. That's part of life and change. But I forget how much I missed some of the old ways, that can't be gotten again. You are pretty wonderful yourself and life is and will be good.

Spoiled for the ordinary said...

Hi Princess,

Just wanted so say hello from Holland! Just amazing we're still in touch. You are such a special person!

Miranda

Anonymous said...

I remember those "Atlantis" days Ms Lisa as well as sharing many questions about "a sense of place". Seems as though you are moving along with your search.
I look forward to seeing you in Montana.
Andy Power

Irmiya said...

Hey Lisa:
Thanks for the link to your blog... although I only went a few posts back, this one made me want to share one of mine with you:
http://emergingheart.blogspot.com/2006/06/dear-joan-didion.html#links

I'll look for you closer to the 16th.
Irm

Cher said...

Lisa, do you read these even on old posts? How beautiful that your mom created a tradition that you can remember fondly. The loss is deep, but I'm so glad you can have those happy memories. You've (well, your mom) has inspired me to think of keeping such traditions with my own girls. I want them to have similar memories wherever life takes them.
Love, Cher