Last night I was having dinner with some friends at another friend's house. There were candles on the table, the lights were down low, Sarah Groves and Norah Jones were softly playing in the background and the six of us were just talking about God and prayer and seeing the supernatural in everyday life. The owner of the place mentioned how he had always grown up having dinner wtih candles. It was just something his family did. When he said that, something just clicked and I got really emotional and teary eyed.
I had forgotten that my family used to sit around the dinner table together just about every night with some classical music or soft music playing, light the candles and have dinner together. We always had a Greek salad with whatever we were eating and after dinner the three of us would just hang out at the table and talk. It was so great.
Until last night I had forgotten that was my family's dinner tradition and I became verklempt with emotion because I really missed that. Perhaps one of the hardest things about losing my mother was also the loss of my family in a sense. My father has remarried but they do things very differently. There is no more Greek salad, no more candles, the music still plays and there are conversations, but different. I really miss my family.
I didn't realize why I feel so lonely sometimes even with so many friends and great roommates and workmates. There's a big part of my life and my being that is missing and can never be replaced, until perhaps someday I have my own family.
I'm not sure how to end this blog, even as I get teary eyed again. So I'll just say goodbye for now.