It's No Fun Getting Old

For the past week, I've been noticing my dear little man Paddington getting older. His new thing is to lay on the linoleoum floor in the kitchen right by the front door. The problem is that once he lays down he can't get up in spite of the struggling. His feet keep slipping out from underneath him and his arthritic hips can't seem to get him up. It's funny in a way, but also sad, because he just flops down on the ground and looks at you, like whew, what is going on? I have to get behind him and lift him up around his middle so his legs can get under him. He growls and barks, but I know he's doing that because he's just embarrassed and as all men do, doesn't want to admit that he needs my help. But like a good mom, I ignore him and help anyway :)

He is thirteen and most dogs his size and breed live somewhere between 12-15 years, so I know his time is coming soon and I will be very sad when that day does arrive. In spite of his stubbornness, growling, crankiness, disobedience and various challenges related to having a dog, he has been a very good little son of mine and I love him dearly.

I'm preparing myself. Thanks for being understanding.

My Weekend

This is what my weekend consisted of:

Four movies in one day, a doggie bath and grooming session, cleaning a rusty grill and buying new parts at Home Depot for it in preparation for the summer grilling season, making waffles, fruit salad, and cappucinos for my roommate, going to a barbecue, spending Sunday morning helping kids blow bubbles in water and glue fishies onto construction paper, listening to a great church sermon by one cool Pastor Dave, going to a belly dancing recital at a Moroccan restaurant, feeling nauseous - maybe allergy related or sugar related.

Overall, a pretty good weekend. How was yours?

Mad at Maryland

The state of Maryland is really annoying. They have so many crazy rules and regulations that trying to do the right thing a la Deut. 6:18 is challenging at times. I've gone to the DMV three times in two days AND I still don't have my Maryland title or registration in spite of having all of the correct documents. They keep needing a signature from this or a letter from that...mainly from my dad who is currently in Australia in a 12 hour time difference so it's ridiculous to keep trying to get in touch with him. Anyway, that is my rant for the day. I know it's not really that big of a deal, but it is frustrating. Peace out ya'll.

Peace and Quiet

That's what this weekend was all about. I headed to Southern MD with some friends from church for a retreat weekend at this great house. We all did our own thing on Saturday, meditation, long walks, picking wildflowers, praying, sleeping, playing basketball. It was just great.

I did a devotional on Deut. 6:18 which is where I feel the Lord is really challenging me right now. It's a hard verse and a hard truth to fully walk out each day, but good and right things are not always easy. The rewards of knowing that you are glorifying Christ and bringing Him joy is so worth it in the long run. I will fail, I will make mistakes, I will cheat the system so to speak, but thank goodness for the grace of God that allows me to get back up again and keep going. A la Brother Lawrence.

May you all be blessed and comforted this day. May you find peace and truth everlasting in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. May He be what you are living for today.

6 1/2 years

For some reason today, I wanted to post on my mom. Mainly on the fact that it has been almost 6 1/2 years since she passed away. I can't believe it has been that long. It has been one crazy ride and I am grateful for the presence of God through all of it.



Here's a picture of my mom in the late 60's about a year or so before she married my father. She was in Izmir, Turkey with the USO (service organization that supports soliders in the field). Previously she had been in Vietnam with the USO serving for a couple years or so. She was one of the first civilian women in the country when the war started and she flew all over the place in the open sided Hueys. Other jobs included a TWA flight attendant, model, radio hostess.

After she and my dad got married, they spent 15 years in Europe traveling and living. They opened up a leather boutique in southern Spain called Gasp Boutique. They would cross the straits of Gibralter to Morocco and buy leather and beads. My dad would make belts, sandals, bags and my mom would convince the tourists to come in and buy them. It was in Spain that they both became Christians.

They also lived in Germany and worked with a group of the Jesus people there. Then they moved to Greece and ran student ski trips by bus to Austria. Dad also had a boat chartering business. I was born while they were there and we lived another seven years. Moving back to the U.S. was very difficult. Mom went back to school and eventually received her B.A. in Ancient Languages (or something like that).

She studied Ancient Greek and would do personal bible studies with the original texts. I was pretty impressed. Then we moved to VA Beach for both my parents to get their Master's. My dad got his MBA and Mom got hers in Education focusing on TESOL (Teaching English to Students of Other Languages). After we moved to Florida, she taught at the local community college and really enjoyed her students. She was great at reaching out to them and inviting them to be part of our family.

Her favorite holiday was St. Patrick's Day and we would have an all green meal. All of the holidays were a big deal for her and she would try and make them special.

This next picture is one of my favorite. It was taken on her birthday in 1999 about 2 1/2 months before she died. Here's to you my little brown nut head! Love you.

Friends Come in All Shapes, Sizes, Colors

I love being part of the kingdom of God, for it is the richest, most colorful, diverse, global place I know. It transcends both heaven and earth and the dimensions of time and space. No matter where I go, I will find brothers and sisters who worship the same God I do. I am never alone. What an awesome blessing.

I have been so encouraged this week by friends especially both at my Alpha group and last night/today. Their words of encouragement, hope, understanding, compassion and thoughtfulness have meant so much to me.

I am in the middle of an understanding of the impact holiness has on our actions and it is not an easy lesson but a vital one. Deuteronomy 6:18 says " And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD, that it may be well with you, and that you may go in and possess the good land of which the LORD swore to your fathers," This is my challenge and with the grace of God and the sharpening of my fellow soliders, I will move toward the Light of Heaven.

I know God is faithful...

but I'm struggling right now. Not sure if what I'm facing is a spiritual battle or one caused by my own sins and failings, or simply because that's just how life is right now.

Inexpressible

I am at a loss for words on how to explain how deeply and profoundly impacted and blessed I was by the Buzz volunteers. I was in charge of coordinating about 40 volunteers for the two day conference for my church. I was amazed at the "extra mile" attitude of so many of them. We were overstaffed but the volunteers kept looking for something to do. They interacted with attendees and they never sat around doing nothing. They were always ready to help out with whatever task I asked of them.

I even had some say they couldn't take the time off of work, but they would be willing to show up an hour early or come during their lunch hour or even stop by on their way to an evening event to help pop popcorn. I have recruited volunteers, trained volunteers, been a volunteer, but nothing prepared me for the NCC volunteer. I can't say thank you enough or tell them enough for how special they are.

Truly they are V.I.V.'s (Very Important Volunteers)!

Books Are Funny

On my way to work this morning, I noticed a guy in front of me reading a book. Occasionally, he would smile or almost laugh while reading a certain passage. That made me smile too. I love books for the fact that they can engage so many of our emotions. I recall some intense crying and sobbing after reading "The Witch of Blackbird Pond" and "Bridge to Terabithia" when I was in jr. high. I actually still cry when reading these books :)

One of my most recent laugh out loud non-fiction books was "Stiff: The interesting lives of human cadavers". This is an absolutely hilarious book and also pretty gross. I kept having to put it down after a couple of pages. So great though.

One of my favorite books is "My family and other animals" by Gerald Durrell. It's a biography of sorts about the Durrell family who move from England to the island of Corfu in Greece and their subsequent adventures. The pages are falling out, but I can't seem to find another copy of the book, so I keep this one. I love it.

Have you seen a cuter dog?

C'mon and Sing!

I love to sing. All the time, anytime. I've gained a reputation in my various places of employment for singing all the time. The office in Florida still asks the headquarters here in DC if I sing all the time. I don't even realize that I do much of the time. I just love to sing. I like to make up songs, sing tunes. I especially love praise and worship music.

In my wallet I have printed out tiny copies of several of my favorite hymns so that I can sing them (and memorize all ten million verses) at any time. Perhaps my all time favorite hymn is Be Thou My Vision. I love that it is an Irish melody and the words are so amazing. This is the only song that I definately want at my wedding. That and "The Impossible Dream" for my dad and I to dance to. That was the song he and my mother danced to at their wedding.

So that's off topic, but the point is I love to sing. I may not be the best (and I have a wedding experience/fiasco to prove that), but I do love it. It's what I was created to do.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart,
Naught be all else to me save that Thou art,
Thou my best thought by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom and Thou my true Word,
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord,
Thou my great Father and I Thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always,
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, bright heaven's sun,
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Compel Them To Come In

So I love my church as mentioned below. But sometimes I've worried that with all the gimmicks, the gospel gets lost. During the Buzz volunteer orientation session, one of the pastors explained the way we do church in a way that helped me better understand. The slick materials etc. are one way of compelling someone to walk through our front doors to experience the redeeming love of Christ that is at the heart of the gospel. It's one way of compelling them to come in.

There's a guy at my work that I occasionally show the production/marketing pieces too. He's really impressed. I showed him the popcorn box annual report this week and his response: "Wow, you really are the FUN church. I wish my company had such great stuff." I understand now. I haven't invited him yet, but maybe when I do, he'll be curious to see what a church that does such an unbelievable job in its production pieces looks like.

Another co-worker flipped through the pages and saw that our membership/attendance for 2005 was around 800. Her jaw dropped and she said "I would have sworn you were so much bigger than my church because of all the things you are always doing." I don't always understand how we do what we do, but it sure makes an impact.

Her boss came in and saw the annual report and thought it was a popcorn box. I explained what it was and that I went to church in a movie theater. She looked at me like I was from another planet or something, but she couldn't deny the impressive quality of the annual report.

Praise GOD!!!

My church

I can't talk about my church enough. Every time I'm on the phone with my dad I always end up talking about how awesome my church is. Now don't get me wrong, there are things I don't like about my church and there are some things I don't always agree with, but overall, I love my church.

I love the people - how dedicated they are to service and to Christ, the spirit of excellence they exhibit, their willingness to be creative and to allow others that same measure of grace, their questioning what we believe in order to more strongly believe it, their desire to see others come to know Christ and to experience this journey together.

I love the ministry staff - their availability and willingness to be part of the community and not just to lead it, their openness to new ideas and new ways of doing church without compromising what we believe, their innovativeness and creativity and energy and committment.

I love my church building where all are comfortable, where I can wear jeans every Sunday and sit next to someone from the Hill and someone from the street and all are welcome and made to feel welcome and encouraged to participate in worship of our dear Lord and Savior.

I love the fact that we have a totally cool coffeehouse with delicious coffee that is free trade and we care about doing it that way. Coffee with a cause!

I LOVE MY CHURCH!!!!!!

Night Light

This picture was taken Saturday night on a friend's balcony. I just loved the paper lanterns and used another friend's awesome new camera to take the picture. A shout out to all of you who where there on Saturday. I really enjoyed myself and getting to know some of my new friends better. I was so glad that we chose to play Cranium instead of watching a movie because the way to build relationship is through shared experiences.

Although watching a movie is one way, I always think it is more effective for the verbal communication to occur. We get to hear different perspectives on a similar topic, to see how we interact in a competitive environment, to learn about each other and to laugh together. It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I was able to grow in community and fellowship this weekend.

Breaking and Entering...

Don't worry, I wasn't arrested or anything. My car was actually broken into and entered by some very health conscious but inept thieves this weekend. After breaking the passenger side window of my car, they took a towel from the backseat and very carefully folded it and laid in on the front seat to cover all the glass. Then they proceeded to tear apart my car and try to steal it. Either they were thwarted in their efforts after destroying my steering wheel column, or they realized they couldn't drive the car after destroying my steering wheel column which made it impossible to turn.

Either way, I would have liked it better if they had managed to steal my car instead of destroying it. With a couple extra brain cells, they could have simply opened up my center console and used the key that is prominently located inside. Oh well. I need a new hiding spot now :) Thankfully, no one was hurt and nothing was actually stolen out of my 10 year old Honda Civic with a tape deck. Yes I said a tape deck. The only thing that did end up missing was my Florida license plate, which could be seen as a sign that I need to register my car in Maryland now.

I was a little stressed yesterday, but overall not really that upset. More annoyed than anything. They get to enjoy their gorgeous saturday while I have to deal with the police, a tow truck and a mechanic. Sounds like it could be the beginning of a good joke!

Because Hyla asked :)

I've actually been wanting to post, but there has been so much happening lately and much of it impacting me so deeply and personally that I haven't been sure of how much to say on this very public blog. I don't want this to just be a place for listing events, but also a place where the impact of life is shared so that I may grow from others insights and wisdom and hopefully others will learn from me as well.

I'm in a place of my life right now, where for the first time that I can remember, I'm actually a little frustrated with God. This seems kind of funny to me in an ironic way considering the many crazy things I've dealt with in my life and the many uncertainties I have faced and I am just now getting a little frustrated with God. In whom, I might add, I have faith and trust and have seen do miracles in my life and the lives of those around me. During this time of uncertainty (jobwise, financially, location, relationally), I tend to see myself as weak and unrighteous and sinful. I'm not sure if it is because trials and challenges tend to bring that side of us out, when we want to really be super spiritual and wholly lean on the cross (which I hope I'm doing), but I also realize that I fail at that miserably. Many many times throughout the day.

Am I doubting God just a bit and wondering if his promises are true? Perhaps a little. I wonder if this is because I am getting older and still feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life, or who I'm supposed to spend it with, or where I'm supposed to spend it. God has been nothing but faithful and truly blessed me beyond belief. I don't even have to look very hard to see what he has done in my life. Just stopping for a moment and realizing the simple fact that I am alive should be cause for a major worship session. It is by his breath that I am even living. And yet I get lost so quickly in the details of life.

Some lessons I've learned recently and am trying to incorporate/apply/examine:

1. My passion and purpose is to glorify God and to serve him. The where, how, when is superficial, yet that is what I spend more of my time worrying about.

2. I tend to be lazy and satisfied with the status quo perhaps mistaking that for God not leading me. I need to explore this more often and be more of a mover than a sitter, a shaker than a stander (in some areas and in some circumstances).

3. Four years in Washington, DC has made me a better friend, a more compassionate and open Christian, and a more realistic/analytical thinker.

4. Four years in Washington, DC hasn't made this place truly feel like a home yet.

Egg-citing Eggstravaganza!

This past Saturday, my church (www.theaterchurch.com) held the 5th annual Easter Eggstravaganza in Lincoln Park near the Capitol. There were over 1600 parents and kids who showed up for this awesome free event. There were games, prizes, snacks, crafts, face painting, and a petting zoo for everyone. The best part though had to be the 8,000 easter egg Egg Hunt. That's right...8,000 easter eggs each stuffed with a piece of candy. This is one way my church reaches out to the community to say that we care and that we are relevant to their lives. With around 100 volunteers I think we showed the love of Christ in a practical and super fun way.

My favorite part was the impromptu dance party I had with several kids under the age of 4. That was awesome. One little boy named Guido kept coming up to me and saying "Break It Down!" And boy did we. There were some pretty awesome moves being showcased out in the park :)

This picture is of the crew who stayed until the bitter/sweet end helping pack up all the materials and unpacking them back at Ebenezer's Coffee House. Our reward was that Pastor Joel (big guy in the back row left with the yellow shirt on) treated us all to an Ebenezer's drink. Yum. Mine is a tall iced mocha - one of my favorites.

Yummy!

I've been on a cupcake making kick lately and this is one of my creations. I was inspired by a food picture blog to take this fancy shot of my cupcake. These are peanut butter filled fudge cupcakes with homemade chocolate buttercream frosting and decorated with peanut butter and chocolate chips.

End of the Road?

This is a picture of my small group Journey that had its last meeting on Wednesday. I have really enjoyed meeting this great group of people and look forward to continued relationship building with them. That sounds so formal - basically I want to keep hanging out with them :) Not pictured: Hyla and Karen.

Test Taking is FUN!!!

Tomorrow I sit for the Foreign Service Written Examination (FSWE) which is the first step in becoming a Foreign Service Officer (FSO) with the Department of State. I'm not sure how well prepared I am, but I am looking forward to seeing what this test is all about. I want to send a shout out to those on the Yahoo groups listserv for the encouragement, support, laughs, and thought provoking discussions over the past month. I'm sure I would be way more nervous than I am now if it hadn't been for them.

The test is pretty grueling starting at 8am and finishing around 2pm. There are three major sections and a written essay portion. Depending on how well I do tomorrow, I may move onto the next step which is an oral assessment sometime in the fall/early spring 2007 or I will have to study for the next year and sit for the exam again next year.

Here goes nothing!

For more information visit www.state.gov

A Road To Remember

Not a poem this time, but a song - phrasing and lyrics need work and the tune is everchanging because I need a tape recorder or something to get it down. Anyway, a work in progress :)

A road to remember
That’s what I want to leave
Behind me
A road full of dangers, a road full of peace
A road that makes my heart sing
Only to the KING

My feat are growing weary,
My strength begins to fade
I’m all alone on this
Road called life

But I’m pressing on,
I’m going forward
It’s taking all I have and all I am
To walk toward you,

On this
Road to remember
That’s what I want to leave
A road filled with stories of grace
A road to remember
That’s what I want to leave
A place for others to reveal
Their songs of joy.

So I call to you
To help me through
This place of toil and fear
For the place you’ve called me to
Is just beyond my reach
And I need you to help me

On this road to remember
That’s what I want to leave
A place for you to stand and see
Where I have been
And what He’s done for me.

Journey

What does this day bring?
Sorrow at the leaving and joy at the coming home.
Soaring on wings toward
your destiny, your land of promise.
The sun rising over the dunes, calling you
to come and dwell in its bosom.
The sea behind beckoning for
your soul to stay within its touch.
The heart breaking at the choice,
but the spirit longing to walk
with the Father eternal..
So the choice is clear, nay firm.
Follow the call, follow the voice, follow the leading.
Confident that what remains is
Held in His hands.

NOTE: This was written as a goodbye for a friend of mine who was leaving DC to go to Africa. She was raised in the city and her mother lives here still, but she has been a missionary in Africa for many years and was headed back after a short three month furlough.

September 25, 2002

Anarchy. Liberalism. IMF. World Bank. Negotiation. Resolution. Birth Control. Party Animal. Freedom. Ignorance. Self conscious. Conservative. Sheltered. Longing. Not belonging. Alone. Memory.

Friends?

Future. Where, what, how, who, when. Understanding. Not understanding. Protests. Tear gas. Long sleeves & high socks. Old. Young. Fat. Normal. Obsessed.

Stop obsessing.

Cell phone. Conference call. Time zones. Insecure. Unsure. Out of style. No style. Screwing up.

Screw it.

Languages. Which one. Research. Writing papers. End result. Advisor. Christianity. Cross-cultural.

How’s it fit?

Balance. Values. Ethics. Morals. Who am I. what am I. God is love.

God is.

Guiding me. Leading me. Drawing me. Cleansing me. Filling me. Loving me. Focus on Him.

At the end, that’s all there is.

Him.


NOTE: This poem was written one month into grad school, September 25, 2002. I was at American University and living in DC and was really going through some intense internal challenges. I vividly remember sitting on a bench in the main area of campus having just finished a cell phone conference call for work and it all hit me at once.

World Bank protests were going on, I was in a much more liberal environment than I was used to or had ever been in before, I had just read an article on the different health policies of all the universities and discovered that American is one of the most liberal in the area. The elephant and donkey painted sculptures (party animals) were on campus hiding from the protests downtown. I had read on a website that anarchists wear long sleeves etc. to protect themselves from the tear gas.

So there was much swirling around inside of me and I just had to get it down. As I wrote, the action of putting it all onto paper was cathartic and naturally led me to the conclusion. To me journaling as a form of prayer has always resulted in praise and recognition.

Ironic or Saying Goodbye on IM

If you gotta go
Just let me know.
I won’t be sad
I won’t be mad
I will be glad
That we did grow
In heart, and mind, and soul.

NOTE: written to a friend of mine. I find this an ironic goodbye message because instant messenger (IM) is such a shallow and superficial means of communication. You can discuss deep and intimate topics over the Internet, but the very nature of technology removes you from the warmth, the personal touch, the nuances of language both verbal and body making a true connection difficult.

three worlds (conundrum)

The following is a poem that was inspired by a friend of mine. He is Chinese born and raised outside of Shanghai. He spent five years in France and then came to the U.S. for a semester abroad which is when I met him.

We were walking through Chinatown in DC and he made a comment about how each of the three languages that he knows all have their special nuances and are each better for expressing different things that he feels and thinks and wants to say. Even if it has expanded his ability to express himself it has also complicated his ability because the choices are so much more.

The title of this post is also the title I have given to the poem.

I'm sitting here in my room
staring
at my journal.
Wanting to empty myself in written word
but not sure which language to use.

Should it be the lyrical mother tongue
that evokes memories of the childhood village
and makes the bright lights of Shanghai sparkle?

Should it be the nearly perfect second language
with the romance and poetry that invokes
Paris, Lyon, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc Triomphe?

Should it be this third global language
that rules the world through
slick images and raw might?

Which one should it be?
Which one will best express my thoughts and emotions
on paper covered with ink?

Three worlds, three voices
one me
I think I'll use all of them.

Spring Flowers

I took these this past weekend in DC!

A Night on the Town

Fall 2005 with friends from American University

Metro Musings ii

On the train to work this morning, I was reading Conversation 1 from a small book titled "The Practice of the Presence of God." I was inspired to write the following poem:

Practicing the Presence of God

What does it mean to practice the presence of God?

Shall we always walk in humble obedience?
Should our heads hang low conscious of the weight of His glory?
Should our hearts sing with unspoken praise at the works of the Creator?

Yes, yes and yes.

The presence of God is indeed
a humbling, weighty, and joyful place.

It sustains us in times of deep and mournful trials,
It surrounds us in the midst of dangerous toils and difficult passes.
But most of all it is the evidence

of our relationship
our ongoing conversation
our painful walk and glorious journey

with Christ our Father and our friend.

The Big Apple Digest(ed)

Click here to see the pictures!

So I had a great time in New York. I took the bus from DC straight to Penn Station where my friend Yao's girlfriend Monica picked me up. We headed to the Empire State Building for a look of New York at night. Then back to their apartment and a hello to Yao.

Saturday Monica and I tried on Marc Jacob shoes in Bloomingdales and pretended we had enough money for the furs. I don't think the sales staff believed us :) We met Yao for a walk in Central Park which was by far the best part of the day. Then Yao went back to work and Monica and I went to Union Square and The Strand - a great New York bookstore. That night we all went to Monica's friend's birthday party out in Queens. Monica is Polish and so are most of her friends. We had a great time drinking, eating, drinking, telling jokes, drinking...until 3 am. That's a party!



Sunday morning, the three of us were too lazy to do much of anything. We finally dragged ourselves out of bed to the local deli for some amazing New York bagels. Then back to the apartment for a quick nap after all that rigorous eating. Finally we managed to drag ourselves into the city (they live in Queens) for a meander down Fifth Avenue. We stopped at St. Patrick's Cathedral, Rockefeller Center, and managed to avoid a run in with the police outside of Madison Square Garden where they were trying to maintain order after a Knicks game. A fight almost broke out and it was so cool to see masses of cops swarm across the street to break it up. I wanted to hang around and watch but Monica and Yao were dragging me away. Then back onto the bus and home, home, home again I went.



The weather was cold but New York was fun and I had a great time with Monica and Yao. We've already made a list of things to do for when I come back which hopefully will be soon!

Click here to see the pictures!

Start Spreading the News...

I'm leaving today. I'm gonna be a part of it...New York, New York! So this afternoon I'm headed to New York City for the weekend. I'm visiting a friend there and I'm a little nervous. I'm not a huge fan of New York and the last time I was there, I didn't enjoy myself at all. I'm hoping to change that situation by this trip this weekend. It should be fun. I'm taking the bus from DC up to New York and my friend Jessica told me that they have great movies on this bus line! Goodie! I'll post pictures when I return.

New York or Bust!

Meditation on the Journey

Last night at my Journey small group we explored the topics of meditation and memorization as related to the Scriptures. We did a simple meditation exercise on the verse "Jesus wept." My initial reaction was to the word wept as images of weeping, heartbreak, intense pointed pain, tears, sobs, a body wracked with grief came to mind. Intense, large scale emotion. In contrast, the images of Jesus as the most compassionate, in control, strong, healthy, omnipotent God came to mind and the two words seemed incompatible at first blush.

So why did Jesus weep? He was a man and his best friend was dead. And yet Christ knew of his death and waited four days to come and still he wept? Doesn't make sense to me. Then I thought of why do people weep. For joy, for sadness, out of frustration, out of accomplishment.

Perhaps Jesus was weeping because he lost his friend. Perhaps he also wept because of the lack of faith he perceived in those that were at the scene.

Perhaps he wept in anticipation of the miracle that God the Father was going to perform in front of him. Perhaps he wept because he could see the thousands of people that would be "raised from the dead" in years to come through salvation.

Perhaps he wept at his impending death. Perhaps he wept to show respect, to join with the culture, to join in fellowship with those who were mourning.

All we know is that Jesus wept. And that is comforting.

Lent Anyone?

Today is Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent. In the Catholic faith tradition, this is the time to "fast" or give up something in preparation for Easter. This year I have decided to give up television. I hope to fill the time getting more into the Bible and spending more time in prayer and devotional activities. I also want to have more time in general and think that letting go of TV for a while will help in that way.

The only shows that I think I will miss not seeing are the Oscars, The Amazing Race, and a new show on TLC called "Little People, Big World". Tivo anyone?

What Color is Your Parachute?

I have started working through the exercises in this job assistance book/workbook. I'm hoping this will help me figure out what I want to do with my life. My dad will be proud of doing this finally since he has been on my case to do this since high school :) It has worked for him at least twice so I thought I would give it a shot. If you've never heard of it, this book has been around for ages. It really makes you think about what you want in a job, but through exercises that aren't difficult, just time consuming.

check it out at www.jobhuntersbible.com

Four Things

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Easter Bunny & Santa Helper at the mall
2. Cashier at a grocery store
3. Asst. Store Manager at tropical clothing store
4. college cafeteria line worker


Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Chariots of Fire
2. Hoosiers
3. Triplets of Belleville
4. Life is Beautiful


Four places you have lived:
1. Athens, Greece
2. Annapolis, Maryland
3. Wilmore, Kentucky
4. Jacksonville, Florida


Four TV shows you love to watch
1. Made on MTV
2. Any Law & Order
3. CSI
4. Scrubs


Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Thailand
2. Switzerland
3. Morocco
4. Azores


Four websites I visit daily:
1. Hotmail
2. my work website
3. evotional.com
4. CNN

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Greek/Meditteranean
2. pasta
3. sushi
4. El Pollo Rico - Peruvian chicken place in Wheaton - YUMMY!!!


Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Sleeping
2. on a beach in the Caribbean
3. in Torino for the Olympics
4. on a sailboat


You're next! Copy and paste this on your blog :)

Eagles, Chickens, and God

"Through a conversation with a friend, God reminded me of a simple but difficult truth: If I have it, he gave it to me, and if he gave it to me, I need it. On the other hand, if I don't have it, either he took it away or he never gave it to me. In either case, I don't need it." - from Dennis Bourne, The Black Sheep Diaries

I joined a new small group on Wednesday nights called Journey which is apropos to what I see 2006 being for me...a significant step in my journey and what my blog is all about. I know I've put some silly stuff on here lately as well. All part of the journey. Today I was googling and searching through websites of people in my small group and from church and ran across this blog from my friend Dennis. I first met him a year and a half ago through an acting small group and haven't really talked to him much since then, but wow, his blog is awesome. This section from his blog that I've posted above really struck me.

I get so caught up in looking around me and seeing what I don't have that I don't stop to think that God took it or didn't give it to me in the first place BECAUSE I DON'T NEED IT. Being in Washington, DC can be intimidating because of all the special and unique people that come here and live here. This taps into my insecurities in a big way and I don't feel like I quite compare and yet in other circumstances and cities, I have appeared to be the special and unique person; the eagle surrounded by chickens in a sense. God is shifting my perspective on myself and on the others. I am special and unique simply because I am His child and He has created me and given me all that makes me special and unique. I am both a chicken and an eagle, depending on the day and the circumstance. And so is everyone else around me.

Funny or Frightening?

Journey

This week I had a super low day on Monday. I literally took a mental health day from work. The thought of going into the office made me feel like I wanted to fall apart and just cry. So I stayed home and it was a good decision. On Wednesday, I tried out a new community group called "Journey" which involves exploring the four aspects of a disciple - seeker, learner, influencer, investor. After the meeting, my heart was so much lighter and I realized that the tough time I've been going through lately can be changed or lightened by focusing on building relationships and surrounding myself with Christians. And not just any old Christian, but Christians who are actively seeking and pursuing Christ. It has been a much better rest of the week.

Just for fun folks!

Check out this fun site

www.whopperettes.com

What a fun place to build your own burger or check out the other performances. I love this stuff.

Mazagines Are Taking Over My Mailbox!

For the past two years, I have been using some of my frequent flyer miles from airlines that I infrequently fly for magazine subscriptions. I don't have to pay for any of these magazines and its a cool way to try out a new magazine without feeling really guilty. The problem is that I order at least five magazines at once which means they all arrive in my mailbox around the same time and I end up with piles of unread magazines laying around my room.

The one good thing that has come out of this is that I have discovered I don't like some magazines that I thought I would like.

For example: Shape is really annoying. Running, Bicycling, and Scuba are cool magazines but I'm not so addicted to any of those sports to read them cover to cover. The Economist which I got to improve my economic skills and work on the left side of my brain is mind-numbingly BORING.

I'm neutral on Travel & Leisure - I don't have enough money to go to any of the places they talk about, but someday...

I have found through this experiment a couple of magazines that I really like. They are in no particular order and you may have heard of them - if not, check 'em out. I read these magazines COVER TO COVER (including most of the ads and letters to the editor). The funny thing is that I'm not interested in technology, business or politics which these top four all cover. That's a good magazine.

Wired - for the creative geek/nerd. Love this magazine even if I don't understand some of the super technical stuff. Overall totally engaging

Fast Company - again the creative approach to business really keeps me interested

Fortune - I'm just getting into this one, but very cool way to keep my pulse on the stockmarket and business in general.

The Week - summarizes the past weeks news stories with excerpts from all kinds of news media which keeps the coverage pretty neutral because they capture all sides of an issue. Great bathroom magazine because the articles are all really short.

One I want to get a subscription to: Discipleship Journal

What God Says About the Big 3-0

This is my 30th year. I can't believe that I've been around for almost 30 years! Wow - that made me feel like a fossil or something and yet I have barely even begun to live. When I look back at what has happened in my life and what God has done in and through me in 30 years, I can only look forward with anticipation and excitement at the next 30. It can only get better!

Since last summer I have been praying about this year and asking God that it not be the dreaded 3-0, but rather it will be the beginning of a new chapter. Christ's ministry finally began at 30. It may have only lasted for three and a half years, but what a ministry it was. I have always been a late bloomer so I'm excited to see 30 as the start of my blooming and growing (like the Edelweiss in the song from Sound of Music).

So far however 2006 has been a challenge. I set out goals for myself which are proving difficult to achieve and I have felt more immature and scattered this year so far than I have in a really long time. I was really feeling down yesterday and flipped open my One Year Bible for the day's reading (dated July 29 - I'm a little behind from last year, but working on it - God is faithful).

Romans 12:1-12 jumped out at me and seemed to address all of the issues I've been struggling with lately.

"...I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice - the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? This reminded me that I need to take the focus off of me and put it where it belongs - on being a sacrifice acceptable to God that he may use me for his perfect work. By doing that I stop worrying about all the things I feel I lack or need to do or be in order to be successful. I am successful when I continually offer myself as a living sacrifice for the Living God.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Wow, I'm not responsible for making myself a new person or by altering the way I think. I am responsible for not being like the world but being like Christ and he will do the transforming. Don't get caught up in needing the right clothes or the right job or even looking the right way to fit the world, again be pleasing to Christ, be his sacrifice.

We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others. I've been comparing myself lately to people around me that I think are better in so many different ways and feeling kind of useless and boring. How sad this is to God's heart and how useless and worthless that makes me as His child. This again reminded me that we are all unique and special children of God's that He has created for a very specific purpose and reason. The following verses say that whatever are gifts are to do them with excellence because our abilities come from God himself, the ultimate Creator.

Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. I've had some challenges lately learning to love and accept some people in my life that I should love, but I just don't "get". This is a huge prayer for me that I not only learn to love them because I should, but that I love them because they are awesome and they are God's child and they deserve love as much as I do. There is no judgement, but rather a call to community for those who love Christ. I cannot love Christ and pretend to love them.

God is good!

Fortune Cookies Can Be Pretty Accurate

"He who waits to do a great deal of good at once, will never do anything."

This really spoke to me because I tend to do a lot of research etc. before making a decision about anything. I especially seem to hesitate at times when wanting to volunteer or get involved with something, feeling like I need to be totally committed or passionate before taking that first step or even really prepared. I know that God does not just call the equipped, but He equips the called. I need to remind myself of this many times. Life doesn't happen in big steps but rather small ones. Stepping out in faith is the only way to find yourself passionate and committed to something.

Shhhhhh......

On Saturday, I went on my first ever silent retreat. It was from 9-3 and we were completely silent the entire time, even during lunch. It was a pretty cool experience. I'll post more on this later. But just wanted to get something new up :)

How much is that doggie in the window?

That question (or a variation on that question) is one I'm asking myself today. How much is that doggie in the window? Not just how much for the initial purchase, but how much in vet bills is that doggie in the window going to cost me? This morning I took my dear boy Paddy to the vet because he was off balance and kept veering to the left and having a very difficult time standing up or walking normally. This was of concern to me because it happened so suddenly (last night as I was going to bed) and didn't go away by this morning.

So to the vet he went, and they gave me a diagnosis...vestibular disease which basically is a disease of the peripheral nerve in a dog that affects their balance. There are several potential causes, but mainly it is of an unknown origin and there is no cure. It could take one day to several weeks for him to recover. But in the meantime to rule out a brain lesion, lung problems, or cancer that may be associated with this my dog is having a chest x-ray and bloodwork done which according to the web seems to be the standard procedure for this.

Of course this is not cheap, but at what point do you not pay for something for an animal, a friend, a companion that you have had for years. I don't consider myself one of those nutty dog people. I'm actually not a real fan of other people's dogs, but do love and adore my furry baby as my friends know. Any thoughts from out there?

Check out this Movie "End of The Spear"

"End of the Spear" is the story of Mincayani, a Waodani tribesman from the jungles of Ecuador. When five young missionaries, among them Jim Elliot and Nate Saint, are speared to death by the Waodani in 1956, a series of events unfold to change the lives of not only the slain missionaries' families, but also Mincayani and his people.

www.endofthespear.com

OPENS January 20, 2006

A Fellow Traveler On This Road...

This is from my friend Leena who headed to South Africa in August 2005 with the Peace Corps. I am thrilled to see how God is using her in this incredible land both as a Christian and an American to create connections and form bonds that will last forever. Please think of her in your prayers. I know God is doing a mighty work in and through her.


“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And He will be called WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, MIGHTY GOD, EVERLASTING FATHER, PRINCE OF PEACE.” Isaiah 9:6

Dearest family and friends,

Christmas greetings from Mtubatuba! I pray this letter finds you in festive spirits as you prepare to celebrate the Christmas holiday with family and friends. Hopefully your Christmas shopping was finished early, and you don’t have to make any frantic last minute purchases. (I must admit that I don’t miss American shopping malls!)

It is hard to believe that 4 months have passed since I first set foot on South African soil. The months have been filled with many adventures – some exhilarating, others challenging – but in everything I have certainly felt the hand of God guiding my every step. Thanks to technology, the distance from home seems significantly less as I am able to correspond with family and friends fairly regularly through letters and emails. (my family is even able to call me once a week with a calling card with amazingly low rates) That said, at this time of the year, when families are gathering together to celebrate Christmas and ring in the new year, there are moments when my heart aches to be home. Thankfully, life in a new culture and environment offers many distractions away from lingering too long on my homesickness.

Since my last email, I have settled in a bit more into life here in rural Somkhele. (10k outside of Mtuba) My host family, the Thabede’s have not grown tired of me yet (at least I don’t think so!), and have graciously accepted me as a new member of their ginormous family. Last Thursday, 9 members of the family and myself traveled to Durban on my host brother Mondli’s truck to spend the day at Shaka (Shark) Marine World. (somewhat like Seaworld) When I went to pay for my ticket, Mama Thabede refused, saying that she was taking her family out for a holiday, and wasn’t I one of her children?

While I am no where near to being proficient in Zulu, it has been extremely helpful to live in a home with small children who tend to be the most eager instructors. My best instructor is 2 year old Far whose simple command like vocabulary is help me learn my verbs. “Aunty Leena woza!” (come) “Aunty Leena hlala phanzi!” (sit) “Aunty Leena thatha!” (take) She also likes to stand outside my bedroom window and yell, “Aunty Leena vula!” (open) When I open the window I respond with “Ngibona Far!” (I see Far!) Then she yells “Aunty Leena vala!” (close) And we repeat this over and over again until I am able to convince her that we need to stop. (for my sanity!)

Through trial and error I am finally able to lift my 20 litre bucket of water onto my head and carry it from the community tap (200 metres from the house) to my room. This has been a source of frustration and embarrassment for me, particularly considering that children far younger than me are able to perform this task with perfection and ease. I have provided the family (and community) with a few laughs as they have been eager spectators in my struggle to perfect this skill. I’ll spare you the details, but let me just say that one incident involved me shattering my first 20 litre bucket. (don’t ask!) Another incident involved my inability to properly push a wheelbarrow carrying two buckets of water, which then led to the water in the buckets spilling onto the dirt path, which then led to the dirt path becoming muddy, which then led to me falling flat on my face in the mud! (which then led to the neighbor lady asking me, “Don’t you have wheelbarrows in America?!!)

Work at the Africa Centre is going well thus far. As was expected, the first couple months have been a bit slow as I am trying to gain a better perspective of the organization and determine where I can best offer support. I have been meeting individually with the HIV counselors at their community centers, and have found that most of them are bored and feel under-utilized, as they only average 5-10 clients per week, leaving them with quite a bit of idle time. All of the counselors have other skills that could be of extreme benefit to the communities they work in – one is an amazing artist, another a musician, another an ex-pro soccer player – all skills that I hope can be utilized to launch support groups and classes for the community members. (to change perceptions that the counseling center is only a place to find out ones HIV status – a perception which may deter some from coming to the centers as they many not want the community members to know) In the coming months I hope to also begin assisting small local organizations that are delivering services to the communities impacted by HIV/AIDS. I have already begun to attend a support group for HIV positive people and AIDS orphans that is run by a British couple at the church I attend, and I hope to assist them more in structuring their programs and securing additional funding.

On November 25, I was able to organize a small group of people from the Africa Centre and my community to take part in a 10K run at the local government hospital. Three girls from the neighborhood (who are my off and on jogging partners), my two 18 year old twin host brothers, 3 counselors, three others from the Centre and myself took part in the 6AM run. The 45 minute drive to the hospital was beautiful, as we had to pass through the Game Reserve (I’ve been there three times already), and was able to see giraffes, wild dogs, impalas, baboons and other animals along the way. The run was along the dirt paths of the community surrounding the hospital – beautiful and scenic, but too hilly!! Some of the Africa Centre staff have expressed interest in organizing a 10K run in Somkhele sometime next year.

Regarding church, I’ve found one! I am attending Grace Community Church (part of New Frontiers) in Mtuba. I was hoping to find a church that was mixed racially, which is nearly impossible here. While GCC is predominantly white (pastor is Afrikaner) there are a few Indian and Zulu families as well. In addition, the church is reaching out to the community through programs such as the HIV support group mentioned earlier. While the church is far from perfect, and I’ve had frustrating moments of dealing with racial tension and ignorance of certain church members, for the most part the church appears to be striving towards bridging the gap between the races. My 9 year old hold niece, Nandile, introduced me to the church – she attends the school that the church runs – and she accompanies me to church every Sunday.

An Indian family at the church (the Stephens) have insisted that I join their Bible Study on Weds nights. The majority of the people who attend the study are Indians, and it has been interesting to learn more about the South African Indian culture and how it differs from my own American (East) Indian culture, as most of their families have been in South Africa for 4-5 generations. An added bonus to this new found relationship is that Aunty Stephen is a caterer and so I am able to enjoy good Indian food. (of course, not even close to being as good as Mom’s cooking, but enough to satisfy my craving for curry)

Socially I have struggled to balance time between two different worlds in which different people in my life live. My role as a Peace Corps volunteer is to serve and integrate into the rural Zulu community in which I live and work. However, I cannot ignore the other “worlds” that coexist in the small area of Mtuba. At work, while the majority of my time is spent in the Zulu community with the Zulu staff of the Africa Centre, there are fellow Americans (albeit much smarter, Harvard grad types) in the office whom I am naturally inclined to want to spend time with. The Indian in me is naturally inclined to want to spend time with the Stephens and other Indian families, to enjoy their fellowship and good Indian food. However, each time I retreat to what is familiar and comfortable to me, I return to my life in rural Somkhele feeling a bit guilty that somehow I betrayed my purpose for being here. I’ve come to the conclusion, however, that I am in a unique position to bridge the gap between many worlds that exist in Mtuba. (at least for a handful of lives) For example, though they live just 10km away, the Stephen family have never once ventured out to Somkhele, due to their unwarranted fear of crime. (and misconceptions and stereotypes of the Zulu people) I was hurt on many occasions that the Stephens were so willing to accept me as part of their family and yet reject a part of who I am in Mtuba by never expressing a desire to see where I live and meet my host family, the Thabedes. That changed a couple weeks ago when I asked them to visit me in Somkhele – for the first time in 25 years the Stephens braved their way to rural Zululand and discovered it wasn’t as scary as they thought!

Another example was last weekend when I took two fellow foreigners from church (one American and the other from the UK) on their first “Zulu culture excursion.” Both have come to South Africa to teach at the church’s school, and are staying with an Afrikaner family in town in a home larger than their own homes abroad. They were expressing their envy of my rural Zulu life and so I suggested they join me for a birthday party in the township and sleepover at my home. With much hesitation, the Afrikaner family whom they stay with agreed to let them go (after all, they are adults who don’t really need permission), but made it clear that they were not responsible if anything happened. (I nearly laughed out loud when I saw the families expression when we said we were going to take PUBLIC TRANSPORT to the TOWNSHIP…one of the few times I was made to feel like a bad influence!) The girls had an absolute blast, and my Zulu friend was ecstatic to have three foreigners (particularly TWO WHITES!) at her party. The girls were excited to return to their Afrikaner host family the next day in one piece, proving to them that taking public transport is not suicide nor are all Zulu people cold-blooded criminals. In fact, they found the opposite to be true of every Zulu they met that night – extremely kind hearted, generous and loving.

Anyway, those are a few ramblings of the past couple months of my life in South Africa. I am heading to Durban this afternoon, and will be traveling by Greyhound to Ladysmith (near the Drakensburgs) on Friday to meet up with other Peace Corps volunteers for Christmas. I am looking forward to seeing the others, but it will be strange to spend my first Christmas apart from all my family. This will also be my first Christmas spent with friends whose faith differ from my own. We make up an interesting hodge podge of beliefs – one protestant, two non-practicing Catholics, two Muslims, a non-practicing Jew, an atheist and two agnostics. (oh and a semi-Buddhist) Hopefully this holiday will provide us all with an opportunity to share a bit of our faith with each other. I will be staying in Ladysmith through next week to help out at a camp for AIDS orphans that is being run by two fellow volunteers.

Let me conclude this long letter with heartfelt wishes for a merry Christmas and a joyous new year. In the midst of the holiday rush, may we be mindful of the amazing gift that God gave us more than 2000 years ago. The “WONDERFUL COUNSELOR…THE MIGHTY GOD…THE EVERLASTING FATHER…THE PRINCE OF PEACE..” choosing to be born in a lowly stable (the most humblest of human existences) in order to grow into a sinless man willing to die for the sins of mankind. May God richly bless you!

Lovingly,
Leena

Tattoo Anyone?

Yesterday I watched four hours (or so) of Miami Ink on TLC. I know BIG waste of time, but very entertaining and it simply fueled my slow burning passion for a tattoo. I've thought about getting one off and on for years and finally decided on what I would get (if I ever get one). Below are two examples of what I would like. Anyway, in keeping with the theme of this blog I like the mariners compass because it speaks to my past, present and future. I've always loved the sea and sailing has been a big part of that. Plus I love to travel and have been many places and I still want to explore this big world that God has created. So the compass seems like a perfect choice.
I think this one has the cooler colors and little details, but the one below is simpler and would look better when shrunk to a smaller tattoo. I would like to combine elements of both of these. I think it would look really cool.

New Years Polar Plunge!

For New Years, I went to Bethany Beach, DE with my roommates and friends. We had a great time just chilling. The best part was on January 1st when my friend Michelle and I did the Polar Plunge. The water temp was 51 degrees F and the air temp was in the mid 40's. SOOOO much fun. This is my third time doing the polar plunge and I love starting the New Year this way. Nothing like stepping out of your comfort zone to set the pace for the next 12 months. Hopefully I will be able to continue moving outside my box this year :)


Into the water!
Cold girls
I loved it so much I went in again

My darling boy Paddington

An ode to books

inspired by a fellow bloggers comment section...

rhythm is to a familiar tune :)

Books, books
a wordy read
The more you feed
the smarter you'll be.

Ways to entertain yourself on a long drive

1. take pictures of yourself with your camera phone (as soon as I figure out how to get them off my phone, I'll post them). I look like an alien in a couple of them and one has the sun shining from behind right where my eye should be. Totally cool.

2. Talk to a dog. I had my dog Paddington along for the ride. He pretty much went into car coma in the back seat but I could talk to him and he would look at me. That was fun.

3. Cry. Driving for a really long way by yourself gives you lots of time to think, analyze, get psychotic about things you really shouldn't. It's also a perfect time to just cry and yell and scream and get all of those emotions out. I recommend doing this during the dark night portions of your trip so that other drivers aren't scared by your emoting.

4. practice driving with your knee. I find this very practical when you are speeding down the highway at around 80mph and have a real need to eat a sandwich and use both your hands. Props to my dad for teaching me this excellent driving technique.

Any other great tips are welcome!

Our lifetimes were made for these years

On my 12 hour drive back from Florida yesterday, I spent the time listening to all the old tapes I found hidden in my car. One of them was from an ex-boyfriend who made a praise and worship tape for me (of him singing and playing - so thoughtful). Anyway, one of the songs he was singing had the phrase "our lifetimes were made for these years". It really struck me and I just thanked God that my lifetime during these years was indeed intentional. I was not supposed to be born or to live my life during any other time than right now. What motivation to discover what my purpose is then. This is not a lifetime (or years) to waste!

Christmas Eve

So I'm in Florida for Christmas. I drove down on Thursday with my dog Paddington in the the back seat. The entire trip took about 12 hours which wasn't too bad and I had a good time pulling out random tapes (yes tapes) and listening to them. So much fun. Today my dad and I went for a long walk on the beach and on the way to and fro we had to climb through some jungle and sand dunes. I made up the following hook for a song to remember the time by.

This ain't no honky tonk parade of memories
Sand in my pocket, dirt on my shoe, scratch on my arm
All from spending time with you.

I also had the easiest time of Christmas shopping ever. All of three hours yesterday with my friend Teri and I got all the gifts I needed. In fact I didn't even think about Christmas shopping until Monday of this week. Should be a fun Christmas though. My dad and stepmom got back on Wednesday from 3 1/2 weeks in Thailand and other Asian countries. So our Christmas tree is a ficus tree covered in huge red bows, one strand of multicolored lights and about three ornaments hanging from it. I'll take a picture and be sure to post it. I advocated spraying it with pine sol so we could at least have a Christmasy smelling house :)

Some random pictures of me and friends :)

My friend Nancy and Christy (and me) after we crossed the finish line of our first ever triathlon in Summer 2005!
Me during my first triathlon. This is setting up in the transition area.
My friends Justin and Josh.
One of my friends works at the White House. Can you guess the four people in the picture?
A housewarming party at my friend Alceste's house (she's in the white shirt standing up).
This is my friend Jessica and I out speed dating!

Live Nativity

This past weekend my church had its second annual live nativity. I sang in the angel choir and even though it was absolutely freezing outside, I had so much fun. This is a picture of the whole crew of us. There was even free hot chocolate and cookies...yummy!

Friends who Challenge

The following was a statement from a friend of mine sent in an email. My response follows. I love friends who challenge us intellectually and this is one of my friends. Here's a shout out to them!


My initial comments:
I finished Angels & Demons and I liked it a lot. I'm a little bit cautious about Dan Brown (mainly over Da Vinci Code) because he takes just enough fact to make his books seem realistic which has been a huge source of controversy especially over the DaVinci Code book (which I haven't read yet, but will). I will have to re-read some parts of it again (Angels and Demons) because the first time through I just wanted to find out what happened, but he does have some very interesting discussions about science and religion. I would like to hear your thoughts on this as well.


A friend says:

I was thinking maybe Novel, by definition is not intentionally to be scientifically provable and correct. Isn't it a kind of art - art of the imagination of the author?

My response:

I wanted to respond right away, because I think you raise an interesting discussion about art and the Novel. I think art is powerful in that it reaches a part of us that we may not have known existed. It highlights emotions and thoughts and patterns of ourselves that we may not recognize in our daily routine so when we are confronted by it, we must stop and think and examine it; to see if there is truth there or not.

I have always loved reading fiction books and have learned many factual pieces of information from them that I may not have learned. So certain genres of fiction must have enough truth or fact in them to make them realistic/plausible enough. I think Dan Brown has researched extensively and then highlighted certain questions that make the book fascinating. Perhaps not scientifically provable but though provoking about real issues and real emotions (which by their nature are not satisfactorily proven through science alone). I don't think that Science can prove or explain everything.

For example, it can describe the chemical processes and brain patterns of love, but does that really explain what love is or the powerful effect it has in our lives. There is an intangible, ephemeral part of love that just is and no amount of science can explain it. Yet we know it exists and we believe that it is there. Religion is like this as well. There is only so much that science (any branch) can explain about community, need for belonging, power of prayer, existence of God. At some point, however, there is an element to faith that cannot be explained by science that must be captured or understood through some other mechanism.

It's like coming to a cliff where everything is tangible and able to be understood and comprehended and then stepping off and still find yourself standing in mid air. That is what faith is like.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head. I haven't really meditated on this so much. I appreciate your insights and questions and thoughts because they challenge me. There is much incomplete in what was said above, but this is something that never ends and the discussion continues forever :)

'Tis the Season...

...for feeling cranky, annoyed, sad, depressed, upset, sick, fat. So maybe that's how you are viewing the holidays. I can't say that I haven't been feeling like this the past couple of weeks already else I would be lying. I've felt this way in an ebb and flow kind of way. Some days are much better than others. There are a variety of reasons I've been feeling this way and maybe others are too. Relationships not working out the way you hope or expect, bad memories associated with the holidays, discontent with your current life or irritation with the commercialization of the holidays.

For me a big event is that six years ago, my mom passed away from cancer three days after Thanksgiving. This time of year just isn't all that great for me. The traditions that I loved and cherished are no longer being carried on instead new ways of celebrating that just don't have much meaning for me are now the norm. So there's not a whole lot to be excited about.

I do however have much to be thankful for and will certainly remember and mention and give thanks to the Lord above for all that He has done in my life, for my life and will do in and through me. Not because of anything I have done or am but all because of who He is and what He has done.

If you're having a rough time and just want January 2 to come faster than a blink of an eye, take heart and have faith that the God in heaven who created you is going to carry you through this time. Look to Him for reassurance and comfort and take joy in the simple pleasures He lets you have each day. It's not all bad, but don't beat yourself up if you're not singing from the rooftops.

For Jennifer who Complained

this is me and steph

IceBound

So my recent obsession has been Antarctica. I've been fascinated by the place and have wanted to get down that way for years now. Every once in a while I hear a story on NPR about some random person who gets to be the janitor or dish washer on the base in Antarctica. So last year I found out how to get hired by the company staffing the base. I plan on going to Colorado in the spring of 2006 for a job fair. I will not leave there without a job! Any job will do as long as it gets me on the ice.

A friend at work sent me the blog of a girl that he met through another friend. Anyway, she is currently at the bottom of the world working as the salad bar girl. It's a great blog and I hope to have something similar this time next year.

If I do make it down there (with additional plans to visit New Zealand, Australia, and Papua New Guinea) I will have hit all seven continents.

I want to go so bad I can taste it.

Reading on the Road

One of my favorite biographies is about Oswald Chambers who is most famous for his devotional readings titled "My Utmost for His Highest". Chambers was an army chaplain during World War I and died while in Egypt. His wife eventually put together the devotional from all of the sermons he had preached that she had written down. Anyway, one thing that he did that really struck me was he would read books constantly. But he had a method - he would alternate a christian writer or topic with a book that dealt with science, philosophy, politics, etc. His reasoning was that to be taken seriously as a man (or woman) of faith, it was just as important to develop our intellectual capacity as it was to develop our spiritual one. This dual education could prove useful in interpreting the scripture in a modern world as well as engaging non-believers in conversation and earning their respect through our intellect first and then have the ability to share our faith. I think its also important to read works that you may disagree with to better understand the arguments that you may hear. Nothing like informed disagreement:) I love the idea of dual preparation and know that my pastor seems to feel the same way. You can check out his reading lists on his blog at www.evotional.com. I thought I would list just a couple of the books currently in my reading lineup. I would love to know what you are reading to develop yourself both spiritually and intellectually.

The Inner Experience: Notes on Contemplation by Thomas Merton
Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
Famine, Conflict, and Response by Frederick Cuny
Ice Bound: A Doctor's Incredible Battle for Survival at the South Pole by Dr. Jerri Nielsen
RX for Survival: Why we must rise to the global health challenge by Philip Hilts
Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed by Jared Diamond

Metro Musings

When I'm on the metro and looking at the people (perfect strangers) sitting around me, I like to wonder how many degrees of separation there are between us.

A Year of Family

I am declaring 2005 is the year of the family. Or more specifically, my family. Some of you may know this and some of you may be surprised to find this out but I am adopted. It is actually a pretty amazing tale of God in His infinite wisdom providing for me a life incomparable. Almost 30 years ago, my parents (Ken and Barbara) were in Greece. One day my dad was coming home from his professors house and on the bus an American woman about seven months pregnant came up to him and asked if he was an American. This is pretty funny, because my father is 6'5" tall with blond hair and blue eyes, very different from the Greeks!

He said he was and the woman introduced herself and after talking for a little bit, my father invited her home to meet his wife. They spent some time together and one day, the woman approached my parents and asked/told them that she would like for them to adopt the child she was carrying. My parents had been wanting children. This seemed like a perfect opportunity. A few months later, my parents drove my biological mother to the hospital and my mom was in the room during the delivery. Four days later they took me home from the hospital as their child and a year and a half later, the adoption was finalized at the American Embassy in Greece. In fact the picture of my mom and dad holding me outside the hospital is when I consider my life began.

Fast forward 23 years to the summer of 1999. I had always known I was adopted although I never felt that way or felt any kind of loss or longing or any of the typical feelings that most adoptees seem to experience. I don't even like to really label myself as adopted because the associations in other peoples minds are so different from my reality. Anyway, I was home alone for the week while my parents went away for some R&R (my mother was dealing with leukemia at the time). I went to the mailbox and behold the proverbial letter from my biological mother. To say the least I was stunned and surprised and kind of weirded out, not knowing what I should do or what I was expected to do. We corresponded for a couple of years and then I moved to Washington, DC to pursue my graduate degree. I found out after I decided to move that my biological aunt and grandmother were also in DC.

December of 2003 found me meeting my biological mother, aunt, grandmother, and step-grandfather for the first time. Talk about overwhelming. At the same time I decided to conduct an Internet search for my biological father (I had learned the name from one of the letters). In 20 minutes I located him and discovered to my amazement that he also lived in the Washington DC area. Talk about crazy! I wrote him a letter, not really expecting a reply but a few days later got a phone call. He was pretty excited and wanted to meet me. So a week later, I had dinner with him and his two sons (my half-brothers). Since then, I have had sporadic contact with both sides of the biological family tree. I'm still not sure what it all means or how this fits into God's plan for my life, but I do know that it is no accident that I am in the same city as both sides of my biological family. So far in 2006 I have had dinner with both sides of the family, met one of my cousins from my adoptive mom's family for the first time, spent time with uncles on both sides of my adoptive family and still have 2.5 months left. Never before have I seen family so much as I have this year and now the numbers are even greater than I ever imagined.

In spite of the craziness this all entails, the emotions that are involved, the uncertaintys and the questions, I do know that God is in control and sees exactly how this looks in the grand scheme of my life and those of my extended families (both biological and adopted). Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

Debrief: Operation Ethiopia 2005

A Month Of Miracles

Finally, it’s here. My Ethiopia update. I apologize for the long delay but hope that you will be blessed even now as you read what awesome things God has done in me (and hopefully through me) over the past months.

May was my month of miracles and it culminated in my trip to Ethiopia. In the beginning of May, my landlord/roommate told me that he was being transferred with his job and was selling the house. We all needed to be out of the house by the end of the month. This automatically created some challenges for me since I had exactly three weeks to find a new place to live, move and leave for Ethiopia. Challenging to say the least. This might not have been so difficult if I didn’t have Paddington, my dog, to find a place for as well. Not only a new house to live in that would accept a dog, but feeling comfortable enough to leave him for my ten days while I was in Ethiopia.

As always, God is incredibly faithful and by the end of the week I had interviewed with a potential living situation. As it turned out this was exactly the place God had prepared for me. I found the house on the Internet through a church website. There are three Christian women living there and they fell in love with Paddington when he accompanied me for the interview.



At the same time, one of my current roommates offered to take care of Paddington for me while I was in Ethiopia and until I could get settled in my new house. This took such a burden off of me especially since she really cared about Paddington and he liked her as well.

I was now two weeks away from leaving on my trip and I still needed about half of the funds ($1,200). I had a back up plan that would have been difficult for me financially, but I was still trusting the Lord that I was supposed to go on this trip and that all of my needs would be taken care of. With a week and a half to go, I received a financial update from the church and to my surprise, an anonymous donor had contributed $800. I was so overwhelmed at God’s goodness that I almost cried. I told a friend at work that this put me $200 short of my goal. She immediately wrote out a check totaling the $200. I was so blessed by her generosity. Two days later I received another update from the church and the same anonymous donor had given an additional $400. I was stunned. When God provides, He does so in amazing and unexpected ways. I still have no idea who the donor was but I pray God’s blessings upon them mightily. If they are reading this, know that God has used you to bless and encourage me immensely and confirm once again that He is our Jehovah Jireh (God our Provider)!



By the time I arrived at the airport to meet my team on May 23, I felt like I had already seen God’s hand touch my life and I felt that the trip to Ethiopia wasn’t the destination but simply the capstone of a month of incredible insight into the character of our Heavenly Father.

Ministry

Our first full day in Addis Ababa, the capital of Ethiopia, was spent touring the different ministry sites of Pastor Uncle Betta and Pastor Zeb Mengistu. Pastor Uncle Betta was dear friends with my pastor’s father and the two families grew up together. The Mengistu’s are Ethiopian and spent many years in Kenya establishing an Assemblies of God church there. In recent years, they felt called to expand the church into Ethiopia and now have somewhere around 40 locations around the country with thousands of people attending the church. Ethiopia has a strong Ethiopian Orthodox tradition and the evangelical movement is regarded with suspicion. About half of the country is Muslim as well.

Nonetheless, the church is thriving and there are plans to build a huge sanctuary capable of holding ten thousand people right in the middle of Addis. It will be the largest evangelical church besides the mosques and Orthodox churches. We went onto the piece of property and gathered around Pastor Uncle Betta and we prayed for the Spirit of God to impact the nation. I felt as though I was standing on holy ground and wanted to take my shoes off and weep before the Lord. It was one of the most intense spiritual moments of my life. I saw this church and this property as a sanctuary for the lost and hurting people of Ethiopia, much as God established cities of refuge in the Old Testament when the land was being developed for the nation of Israel. This was the prayer I prayed and I am excited about seeing the reality established. We also visited the new location of the International Church that Uncle Betta’s son Zeb is establishing. There are so many miracles associated with this ministry that I don’t have the room or time to tell of all of them except to say that God is working in Ethiopia and it was awesome to see how strong His Spirit is in the land. Ethiopia is the third poorest country in the world which makes the physical needs overwhelming, but the spiritual needs are just as essential. Throughout our visit we spent much time in prayer with and for the ministry of Pastor Zeb and Uncle Betta. The blessings of heaven just poured out!

The Mercy Center

The Mercy Center is the tangible way the church is ministering to the needs of the people. Pastor Uncle Betta’s wife is in charge of the Center where women are brought in from the streets and taught practical skills such as cooking and sewing. In fact, they catered all of our meals while were there and let me tell you, I haven’t eaten such delicious food in a long time. They are incredible! Pastor Zeb’s wife Yami told me that the Ethiopians are like the Italians when it comes to food – they LOVE to eat good food. The Center also has programs for kids on Saturday, tutoring programs throughout the week, and a nursery school for the younger children. Child sponsorship is the primary means of financial support. The Center is a community where the sewing classes sew the uniforms for the children who are being tutored and the cooks provide the food for the children. The women earn a living while using their skills to improve the lives of the children. It’s a win/win for everyone and has had quite an impact on those involved. We were able to put on a program for the kids and had so much fun with the puppets, singing songs, and performing skits. Of course they loved getting the candy the best!

We also put together a program for the teenagers and myself and another teammate shared our testimonies. Many of the kids are orphans or have lost a parent from AIDS. I shared about the fact that God never leaves us or forsakes us and with the help of a translator, shared about the loss I suffered when my mom died. I shared the loneliness, sadness, depression, anxiety I had felt and how God revealed himself to me so that no matter what happened in the physical world, I knew that He was always by my side and that He would always provide for me. It was so great to feel that connection and to be able to offer that promise of a brighter tomorrow because of Jesus Christ.

Our last day in Ethiopia was spent at the nursery school playing games with the children in the courtyard, giving them gifts of pencils, paints, notebooks, and little bags and praying over each of these precious little ones. The children are beautiful and it was hard not to stuff a couple of them in my suitcase.

An African Safari

We were so lucky to be able to have an African Safari experience while in Ethiopia. Talk about struggling missionaries. Addis Ababa is situated about 8,000 feet above sea level so the weather was very mild with no humidity. At night we had to wear long sleeves! When we headed out of the city a couple hundred kilometers to the lowlands and Awash National Park, the temperatures dramatically increased and we felt like we were truly in Africa. Pastor Zeb had arranged for a tour company to take care of the arrangements and when Teddy and his crew showed up in old Land Rovers and dusty trucks, we knew we were going to have a blast. On our way to the park we stopped along the side of the road for a picnic lunch and happened upon a nomadic tribesman herding his cows. He leaned against a tree with his staff dressed in a white toga like outfit and watched us. There were no problems until my two pastors decided to pretend they were on the Discovery Channel and began filming the “vicious cows”. Then the head of the tribe ran up to us wielding a machine gun and demanding payment for the pictures. Teddy paid him off with a couple birr (around a quarter or fifty cents) and we were on our way. It wasn’t very serious, but that story grew until it became our first brush with death experience.

We headed to camp which was all set up with tents and a long table set up under the acacia trees. There were baboons running wild through the camp and we had an armed guard to protect us over night from the wild life. We jumped on top of the jeeps and headed through the bush to see what we could see. We saw camels, wild boars, lots of antelope and many different kinds of birds. We saw a huge river running through a canyon all green and lush. It reminded us of the Grand Canyon and the verse where it talks about streams of living water. Pretty awesome Creator! That night around the campfire we could hear lions roaring in the distance. The next day we drove up to some hot springs heated by underground volcanic activity and enjoyed (or endured) a swim in the hot waters.

Habitat for Humanity: Ethiopia Style

Back in the city, it was time for some hard labor and we spent a day helping to build two homes for some needy women that had been identified by the local church and the Mercy Center. In Ethiopia, the majority of homes are made from mud and straw mixed together. When it dries it is as hard as a rock and provides a decent shelter even when it rains. The houses we built consisted of one room with four walls, a tin roof, wooden door, and a dirt floor. No running water, no electricity, no carpet. Pretty extreme housing. The walls are made with wooden poles in the four corners and then cross beams tied with rope and secured by one nail. Then wooden slats are roped together vertically to form the walls themselves. Meanwhile the mud and straw need to be mixed together and the only way to do that is to get dirty. So off came the shoes and squish, squish, squish we stomped our way to some building material. It made the story of the Israelites in Egypt mixing straw and mud together for bricks so much more real. It was a hard job but we had fun. Once the mud was finished, you literally throw it onto the walls which are simply the wooden slats and twine. It sticks and you smooth it down. That’s all there is to building a house in Ethiopia.

As Americans, we wanted to get the job done so we really pushed the Ethiopian workers quickly. We almost finished one entire house and the Ethiopians were really amazed because they never get a house done in one day. We were able to pray with the owners and bless them and hear how their hearts were blessed by our work. We praise God for the chance to show His love and kindness. One of my teammates and I spent some time where we were working to play with the kids that had gathered around us to watch. We sang songs and did silly dances causing much laughter all around. One little boy is called Horror by the other kids (even though that is not his real name) because they think he is ugly. We prayed over him from a distance and called out that his name should be Isaac, or laughter, because he should bring joy in the hearts of those around and in God’s heart. It was great to spread the love of God.

The End?

There were so many other stories and moments that happened over the course of the trip but I wanted to share some of the highlights and give you some insight into what happened in Ethiopia and in my heart. The trip didn’t provide the incredible rush I was expecting from traveling and being on a mission trip. But the memories I have and the people that I met and the knowledge I have of this beautiful country remind me of God’s faithfulness and love for all generations and all people. I’m not sure if I will ever go back to Ethiopia, but I am grateful for the chance I had to go and learn and bless and be blessed.

Perhaps the biggest blessing I received was during a team meeting. During the course of the trip, each night several team members would briefly share their testimony and then we would gather around and pray for them. When it was my turn, one of the girls had a picture in her mind that she spoke out. It was of a calico cat in a sailboat just sailing along perfectly content with the sun by day and the stars guiding by night. She felt silly telling me this because she thought it was really strange. During my sharing, I hadn’t mentioned anything about sailing being a part of my life, so I knew this was of God. Her interpretation of the picture was just sailing along, content. Since graduating from grad school and simply working, I have been wondering, praying, and seeking God about what is next. Am I in the right place doing the right thing? I took this word as confirmation that right now I just need to sail along, content in the knowledge that I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing and God is guiding me by day and by night. Pretty awesome for me and I have been trying to walk in that knowledge the past few months.

Thank you for being part of my life and for your support, encouragement, and interest in me and my life. I pray that I will be an example of God’s faithfulness and grace. You, my friends and family are a huge part of ensuring that seek Him first and foremost above all else. My love to you all.